I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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