Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize