i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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