Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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