The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Boobs speak an international language.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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