I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Are we still banned from the library?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
