he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
