i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
