where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
