dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize