I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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