who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
