Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
