super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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