Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
