Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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