hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
