I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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