i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
