Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
