i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
