Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
A bitchslap is in order.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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