there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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