she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
