You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
