answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
