Is it because I queefed?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
