I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize