omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize