Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
