Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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