so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
