Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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