I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize