i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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