Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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