Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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