Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
