i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
