in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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