She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize