I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
