I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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