her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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