she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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