I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
