She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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