And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
