Already got asked if we're dating
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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