Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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