I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
