please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
FUCK WHALES
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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