Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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