where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
