I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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