I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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