Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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