she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
