Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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