i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
