Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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