so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
