If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
