Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
