That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
