I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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