what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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