pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
