After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
