Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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