When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
