he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
