He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
