She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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