he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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