so let's talk penis.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize