U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize