So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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