things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize