Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
