I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
