The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
