we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
