I'm gonna have a badass scar
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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