I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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