if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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