You're so nebulous sometimes
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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