it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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