Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is that strawberry winking at me??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
