What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
