just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
