I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
