He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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