There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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