I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
