I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
