we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
