you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
