did you get engaged???
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
