I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
