I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
home. puking in laundry basket.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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