i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
