all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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