Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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