never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
