If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
