mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
