you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
